My friend recently sent me an inquiry:
Stephanie, what are your thoughts on this? One guy in love with five girls, is very dedicated to all of them… wooing them all, but completely honest that he is very confused and not ready for a relationship.
My response:
From an economist’s perspective:
1) The guy’s optimal solution is to do what makes him happiest, which appears to be wooing them all. If he eventually makes up his mind, then he dates that girl; if he continues to be “confused” (eg values them roughly equally), then he continues seeing them all until they all drop to one. Honesty remains the best policy with all of them, in my opinion.
2) The girls’ optimal solution: judge how much they like him, how attached they are, and how willing they are to wait. If they can attach and detach easily, they should hang around and hope for the best, and detach when necessary (or they get impatient/get bad vibes). If they get attached (as most girls do), they should try to let go now as much as they can and move on from here. Or … you know, take the pain, and hope it allows them to get over him later.
3) The societal optimal solution: He should flip and coin, pick a girl, and pursue her. That one girl is happy (especially if he doesn’t reveal his method). He is happy (to a certain extent … he now has one girl and no decision to make). The other girls get a clear signal that it’s time to get out.
Just the academic perspective. Of course I have a slightly different personal perspective.
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In a later message, I elaborate:
So rationally, I recognize that the “best”/moral thing to do is for him to be single and the girls to move on their merry way. … but life isn’t so easy. It’s hard for him to make that choice and for the girls to get over a single guy.
From experience, I know it hurts a lot. [...]
Emotionally, I know what it is like to hope, to *want* the attention and enjoy him and want to be “the one”. And I know what it’s like to make “the decision” to get over him and then find that you’re still head over heels.
So … the girls should get out if they can. With the understanding that the girls might be “too deep” to get themselves out, they should just try to be wary. Honesty’s always the best policy in these cases (as much as it hurts in the moment, lies would hurt more in the long run). If the girl enjoys the date enough that the joy overshadows the potential confusion/upset-state afterward, then she should still go on the dates, acknowledging that she may not be the only one. When the pain is too much to bear, then maybe she has incentive, finally, and enough strength/motivation to get out.
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It all sounds pretty economical to me; even my personal perspective has the underlying concept of “producing” until marginal revenue equals marginal cost. … Economics does make sense in real-life.
You Are What You Spend
“Household consumption statistics indicate that the gap between the rich and the poor is less than most assume”.
Brilliant. Also, this underlies the issue of a “negative saving rate”. The definition of “income” – and therefore, “saving” – often doesn’t account for wealth that people can use for consumption.